Addictions, Love, Happiness
When we are fully content, we can be self-sufficient and self-sustaining, happily isolated islands of self. But needs arise, inevitably, reminding us that we are permeable, a part of our world, intricately connected with the people, places, things we love, need, care for.
When do our needs turn into dependencies, and then addictions?
All relationships are pairings and repetitions. We return to the same sets again and again, sometimes leaning heavily and sometimes treading lightly. The energy with which we pair our needing with our reaching can be whole hearted, a happy relationship, where each part of the pair is independent and enjoyable regardless of availability or distance.
Addictions arise when we abuse, rather than love and respect, our resources and relationships. When we have reservations about our needing, and our reaching brings back destructive energy, we have an abusive relationship. When we are thoughtless in our actions, either distracted or uncaring, then we use and overuse our resources, drain the energy from ourselves and from others.
Even a whole hearted relationship can be a dependent: a positive dependency is a tight bond to cherish, as that between teachers and students, parents and children, flowers and bees. We naturally enable each other to do what is best for both aspects. But any relationship can be pulled into an enabling or destructive direction when we are unclear in what we need, how we receive, and how we use what we receive.
Addiction is user error.
Regardless of substance, we change our relational energy through both creativity and stability. We realize that the way we do anything is the way we do everything: this is the stability, the foundation of the way that we live. Creatively, we can change the way that we use the energy and substances in our life. We can add freedom to structure, control to abandon, and consciousness to consuming.
Consuming is challenging to check. Fundamentally, humans are insatiable. We will take everything: this is how we came to dominate the planet. We believe in, and act on, manifest destiny. We wear the world down, and we wear ourselves out in the process.
Until we learn to modify and moderate our appetites, we choose to break records. We compete and beat ourselves, wearing down our resources with our repetitions, wearing down our records with over use. We see which tracks skip and repeat themselves when we are brave enough to see the habits that repeat themselves, that become old, deeply worn grooves.
All abuse/overuse comes from wanting/getting too much, too easily. We are not gentle. We see what is convenient and we take it thoughtlessly, presumptuously, taking for granted what we deserve, what we have not worked for, or worked into. Our attention is drawn towards our perceived problems, our narrow focus on what is personal: work, family, friends, fun plans.
What happens when we do not presume that what we want is easily available? Can we go wholly into what we want and love?
To raise our consciousness, not just in the way that we use and consume but in the energy of all our relationships with people, places, things, we need to see how we do what we do. What is our way of seeing, perceiving, of proceeding and processing. How do we create/consume? How do we give/take/make?
The things that we do, the feelings we experience, the thoughts that fuel our actions, all come from energy flow. It is the invisible that becomes visible.
Relying on something outside of us to change what is inside of us: this is the wanting that inspires our reaching, our leaning, our tendency to use and over use. It breaks our flow, so that we are distracted by our addictions as well as addicted by our distractions. The things that are on the edges of our life, the peripheral frills, take over the central columns of our life. The central energy, rather than flowing fluidly towards our purpose and our love, becomes tied up in supporting what is not necessary.
When our energy is bound, unavailable, we feel low. Available energy is directed towards the bare minimum and we have little energy for conscious awareness, or thought. We over use the substances around us, leaning on things that could, with awareness, lift us up instead.
How do we come into relationships that uplift? We learn to center, to create within ourselves a happiness independent of substance.