Freedom from Desire
Out of everything we desire in life, what is and is not replaceable?
Anything we desire is replacable— the things, the objects, the objective, what can be seen by others as owned, ownable.
What is not replaceable is the subjective: this moment, what we can experience, as the people we desire, because people cannot be owned, only connected and unified with in a state of togetherness.
When we connect with people, and the place of here-and-now, where experience is alive and memories/projections are absent, then we perceive a one-ness. This is a state of being, where desire meets the desired, where you are no longer the subject of desire but unified with all that is.
That is the big love, the one that supersedes all the things and people that can be individually loved.
But we are more familiar with a different state of being, the state of being separated from the objects and experiences we desire, the of being in need, or needy. And though being in need is a state of being, a perspective that limits us from the state of being in love, we consider needs to be objective realities. We perceive ourselves to be subjects to needs, attached to the objects and people we desire.
What is a need? What is needed, and how do we address and demonstrate being in need?
A need is something we could not do without, could not live without, could not be well without. A need is something not just desired but required— the difference being subjective, because we all have different needs. Yet we all show need the same way: compulsive urgency to obtain the object, and despair, despondency when we are without.
The common theme running throughout the feeling of need is the feeling of being without, of lack, of an impoverished state of being.
What is the opposite of being in need? Being profoundly ok with what is present, of sensing what is here rather than what is not here, of loving what we have rather than desiring what we do not. This state brings patience, contentment, and true ease of being. It requires no self control.
When we artificially attempt to control our desires, our needs, we show strange ways of thinking and acting, coveting possessions, becoming attached to what we value, in objects as well as in people. We feel a compulsion to obtain and protect what is here, and in repressing our desires for what is not here, we pour energy into pretending, repressing, redirecting our natural reach.
This doesn’t feel like freedom; the energy doesn’t flow well inside and we often feel a vague illness. There is a welling up, a damming, and often a flooding when there comes a gap in our effortful control of self.
How do we transform a state of neediness into a state of freedom, presence and love?
The energy of will is required. With awareness, we recognize and name that we are in a state of needing. This takes true self awareness because the mind is often so ensnared in the object of desire that it forgets it, itself, is the subject of desire.
Naming the state of neediness is taking ownership, like all namings, and from that place of responsibility we can redirect our energy away from the replaceable objects of desire towards the irreplaceable, the present.
We broaden our awareness to be inclusive of what is here, and empower ourselves to create the experience of perceiving the state of not-needing, of being unified with all that is. From there, we recognize that all that we desire is to enhance the best within ourselves. We desire to be in a state of love, the shared experience of being present with all we love.