• megna paula

Wanting, Space, Time

What happens when we are in a state of wanting? We make ourselves available to what we do not have, or do not perceive to have. We search for what we want to posses, and that search is in the mind: our senses turn outwards, sending energy outwards, de-valuing the here and now.

That state of wanting is inspired by, and enhances, the feeling of being lost inside, lost in the space-time of here-now. We search for what we seek and in that search, we open ourselves not just to finding but also to being found.

There is a skill to shaping the energy of seeking and finding. When we are too available, because we want too much or have been wanting for too long, then we feel low: low on purpose, low on direction, orientation, inspiration. We don’t know what to do with ourselves.

That low state is where we most easily catch onto, latch onto, quick pleasures and preset paths. We follow the example of others who seem to have what we want, or we look to our past selves and try to relive our past selves, reclaim a remembered state. Both are a search for certainty, an answer to not-knowing.

When we spend too much time following others, or reliving our past, our energy diffuses. We become confused. Our sense of self softens, we lose inner focus and draw energy from others, from outside. This feels like a high, being subject to the whims and changes of the outside world, because it absolves us from the responsibility of acting as unique individuals.

Conversely, when we have high inner energy but are in a state of wanting, we feel not diffuse but confused about where to send our energy. Without a clear direction, sense of purpose, we spill our energy, wasteful because we feel it as excess. Our energy drains into people and places that do not uplift us and we end in exhaustion.

Whether we have low energy and catch onto the popular trends set by others, or whether we have high energy that we pour into unfulfilling drains, we feel limited, therefore limiting our ability to replenish and reorient ourselves towards our own center and higher purpose in life.

Stepping away from the state of wanting, we are able to refresh our senses. We can see inside and out with a bread, clean, clear mind to realize when reaching out enriches us, and when it does not. We learn to keep focus on what we want, and act with clarity, strategically, rather than through the haze of wanting/hurting.

With clarity, in a state of presence, we can keep respect for our inner energy, our selves, and our space-time. We realize that we cannot want too much.

Wanting too much creates pain: the excess is painful to process, weighs us down, and feels like burden rather than freedom. When we have too much, we overwhelm our capacities, and wee inundate/overfill our space-time. Physically, and mentally, we feel crowded. Emotionally, we feel dulled, overfull. Cognitively, we need to learn when and where to stop.

The state of wanting, when unchecked, takes on an inertia, a sense of speed that accelerates unless we consciously create opposing forces and stop feeding the energy of wanting. Eventually, the inertia may just peter out, when our resources are exhausted. But to save our health, to live skillfully, we consciously steer our energy, create a new direction for ourselves.

When we come away from quantifying and qualifying what we do and do not have, we can focus on inner completion, our inner state. From that center, work and love flows naturally.

We value our space, and see the boundaries of where we are. The limits are liberating because we can sense direction, the pull/push of our inner drives, and the forward momentum that we consciously keep humming. We feel not-attached to our space, to filling it, but value the truth that energy requires space to flow freely.

We value our time. When we experience the state of longing, we know that we are present and the results we desire are far in the future. And when we are patient, we are here and certain that our present work will create the future we desire.

Feeling the stretch of space and time, knowing that it is limited but we are not, allows us to enjoy all of what we have and all of what we do.

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